In the cozy surroundings of a dimly lit Gemmayzeh book shop, Jessica Semaan closes her eyes and encourages her audience to do the same.
“I want you all to take three deep breaths, in and out, and remember a moment where you dealt with a difficult time.” The poet was speaking at a book-signing event for her English-language collection “Child of the Moon.” Inspired by her journey to overcome the trauma stemming from a turbulent upbringing during Lebanon’s Civil War, “Child of the Moon” explores the stigma attached to mental illness and the complexity of human identity.
This book of poems is the product of severe depression and emotional burnout, as well as an opportunity to reflect upon that inner turmoil from a distance, as the author left Lebanon to study in the U.S. in her early 20s.
It opens with an introduction explaining the title, “Child of the Moon.” Consumed by their own trauma and the violence of their surroundings, Semaan’s parents could do little to comfort their daughter when she was growing up. The one constant of her turbulent childhood, she said, was the ever-present moon, which she felt could always be counted on to assuage her fears.
The book is divided into sections, each titled after the phases of the moon, reflecting her journey from trauma to recovery.
The first segment, Blood Moon, evokes imagery of the open wound of Semaan’s experience.
Positioning the reader in her memories, the first series of poems depicts the brutality of daily life during the Civil War, and explores the mental wounds internalized during the conflict.
The poem “Beirut, 1988” recalls an instance when a young Semaan had a gun pressed to her head.
Others detail the more complicated theme of emotionally distant parents. The short, detached stanzas depict Semaan in the early stages of healing. As if reflecting her state at this time, the poetry seems mangled, confused.
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Her complicated sentiments later transform to suggest an acceptance of what has been. With this, however, comes the guilt of acknowledging her pain in a culture that refuses to lament its sufferings.
“We don’t talk about the Civil War in Lebanon,” Semaan said at her signing. “We use shame. We use secrecy. It’s just something that happened but it’s still living in us. It’s in every one of us. The war is still going on because we never sat down and saw how it affected us.
“We never took responsibility.”
The following segment, “Half Moon,” is a more mature reflection on her past. Semaan begins to connect her complex feelings of guilt, shame and isolation in her adult relationships to the emotional shortcomings of her family structure. She finds herself attracted to unavailable men, convinced of her inability to be loved while simultaneously striving to settle down, as is expected of her.
These poems are longer. Having found an outlet for her grief, she is now unable to staunch it. By now, she is able to pinpoint the causes of her distress, but is yet to find an effective way to overcome them.
Semaan is intrigued by the therapeutic use of drugs in dealing with trauma. The poems in the later stages of the collection read as though guiding readers to a higher state of consciousness.
Though the sense of emotional detachment evident in the earlier works persists, it now seems more productive. Semaan’s narrator now finds herself able to step outside her turmoil and assess her place in the bigger picture. “And just like a star only those who don’t come close think you’re small / And just like a star only those who step back can see you twinkle.”
Now training to become a therapist, Semaan has utilized her pain and transformed it into something positive. Speaking about readers’ responses to her poetry, she said, “I am a tiny speck in the universe that is resonating with some people. Hardship has to be felt.
“I want to heal not just myself, but my family’s trauma.”
Semaan is a warm individual, and her readings of family surely apply to the broader human condition, within Lebanon and without.
“There have been good examples of national healing that has happened,” she reflected. “I would love for us to heal on a collective level.”
“Child of the Moon” is published in the U.S. by Andrews McMeel Publishing.
This article has been adapted from its original source.
