Arab phobias -- what makes these war-hardy Mideast folk cry for mama?!

Published April 22nd, 2015 - 01:35 GMT

One would think that Arab people live in a constant state of fear of the wars, raving militants, nuclear weapons, and angry Israeli settlers surrounding them from all sides. But in fact, those things don’t scare your average Arab Joe (or Moe)! It’s things like chicken smelling too chickeny or people giving you the evil eye that sends chills down their spines! Hey, what’s fear of flying in comparison to fear of walking five minutes to the shops instead of driving there?

These are a few of our favorite things that the Muslim-majority Arab world gets freaked out over!

As put (neurotically) neatly by the Blog of the Boss on identifying 'Lebanese-specific' hysteria-inducers, (and we hereby appropriate this Levant list of panic-points for the wider region), the Middle east "is made of one exceptional sample of weirdly complexed, mentally unstable and creepingly freaky population of psychos."

Unstable Middle East? It's a rocky region of nutters and neurotics! This hysteria-inducing panel of panic for Middle Eastern mentalities will demonstrate what makes these Arab time-bombs tick!

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upturned slippers shoes soles facing heavens haram

Shoe soles: Leaving the soles of your shoes turned up sky-ward is bad luck and disrespectful toward God. A foot or shoe sole facing YOU is also a no-no, and what's worse is your soles unwittingly facing a Quran that (God forbid) lies in the direct path of that offending foot. Shoe soles are one of the biggest disses you can get by Arab terms.

Arab man dreams of marrying a second wife

A second wife! Shouldn’t HE be afraid? He’s the one getting a second mother in law! The idea of your husband marrying a second spouse (tying a double knot!) while bound to you in holy matrimony often fills a woman with dread, as in the Arab world 2nd ‘surprise’ wives are a very real prospect.

Rare bloody steak! (Or, put another way, bloody hell for Muslims!) Blood - cooked or raw - ingested in the Islamic faith is considered ‘haram,’ not halal for eating. Black pudding or blood sausage are strictly off the menu!

Your hair veil or hijab falling off, or a stray hair escaping the bobby pinned head scarf. Bad hair days are avoided but a rebellious lock could bring on a panic attack faster than you can say Fire!

pains taken to avoid walking a dog driving a car

Walking somewhere instead of driving, even if it’s a hop, skip and a jump away! The very idea! The horror and indignity of it all! These Arab legs weren’t made for walking...

Saying NO! Thanks to the culture of people-pleasing, emotional blackmail and guilt-tripping! Being direct and realistic about your needs can be a risky business-- a ‘no’ can get misconstrued or just flatly ignored! Honesty destroys lives!

Scissors left in the open position-- these blades signify an open coffin, which in turn could mean an imminent death.

Jmeel-o-phobia-- Jmeel is Arabic the concept of favors-rendered. This is the chronic fear of someone lording it over you because you accepted a gift or favor from them previously. This excessive fear can lead to (ironically-- see slide 6) people turning down your sincere offers, thereby saying NO to you.

Dog-kept-inhouse-o-phobia. Nothing makes an Arab person go from being a cheerful guest to a frightened mess faster than discovering a dog in the house. In Islam, dogs keep angels away.

The sound of fireworks or tires popping can trigger alarm and jitters, as you expect a war to break out, particularly in civil-war torn or explosive Middle Eastern countries that remain constantly on the brink of a return to war/ invasion/ occupation at any moment.

Ignorance is not an option! Admitting that they don’t know something! An Arab person has appointed themselves as the Jack of all trades and a Mr. know it all! You’ll get unsolicited advice at every juncture of your life, from the 17 year-old to the more seasoned and qualified grandparent, so get used to it, fool!

Spinster-phobia: Getting to over 25 without being married! Cause from there on you’re over the hill and on the shelf, and make no mistake, past your peak for the marriage market. Don’t believe anybody who says otherwise.

Hasad-phobia! Envy, most marked in ‘friends’ evil eyes: Arabs live in constant dread of someone complimenting them without qualifying their flattery with the obligatory ‘mashallah’, ‘smallah’, or ‘yikhzil3ain’ (those warding-off evil, jealousy phrases that allow your compliment to be received)

Jin in the bathroom: Prepare thyself to enter the darkest, perhaps most dangerous room in the house: THE BATHROOM! Better bless yourself on your way in and on your way out, because every good Muslim knows that there are Jinn-a-plenty hiding behind the toilet.

Germs: Doctors may say germs are good for your immune system, but in the Arab world cleanliness is truly next to Godliness. So get out that Dettol and start scrubbing. Hypochondria, alongside ‘’Hygiene”- the brand sanitizer of choice - is rife!

Chickeny-smelling-chicken: You better bathe that chicken in a jacuzzi of lemon, vinegar, and tahini, or else you risk catching a whiff of zankha, the foul smell that remains on plates after exposed to eggs or chicken.

Shoe soles: Leaving the soles of your shoes turned up sky-ward is bad luck and disrespectful toward God. A foot or shoe sole facing YOU is also a no-no, and what's worse is your soles unwittingly facing a Quran that (God forbid) lies in the direct path of that offending foot. Shoe soles are one of the biggest disses you can get by Arab terms.

A second wife! Shouldn’t HE be afraid? He’s the one getting a second mother in law! The idea of your husband marrying a second spouse (tying a double knot!) while bound to you in holy matrimony often fills a woman with dread, as in the Arab world 2nd ‘surprise’ wives are a very real prospect.

Rare bloody steak! (Or, put another way, bloody hell for Muslims!) Blood - cooked or raw - ingested in the Islamic faith is considered ‘haram,’ not halal for eating. Black pudding or blood sausage are strictly off the menu!

Your hair veil or hijab falling off, or a stray hair escaping the bobby pinned head scarf. Bad hair days are avoided but a rebellious lock could bring on a panic attack faster than you can say Fire!

Walking somewhere instead of driving, even if it’s a hop, skip and a jump away! The very idea! The horror and indignity of it all! These Arab legs weren’t made for walking...

Saying NO! Thanks to the culture of people-pleasing, emotional blackmail and guilt-tripping! Being direct and realistic about your needs can be a risky business-- a ‘no’ can get misconstrued or just flatly ignored! Honesty destroys lives!

Scissors left in the open position-- these blades signify an open coffin, which in turn could mean an imminent death.

Jmeel-o-phobia-- Jmeel is Arabic the concept of favors-rendered. This is the chronic fear of someone lording it over you because you accepted a gift or favor from them previously. This excessive fear can lead to (ironically-- see slide 6) people turning down your sincere offers, thereby saying NO to you.

Dog-kept-inhouse-o-phobia. Nothing makes an Arab person go from being a cheerful guest to a frightened mess faster than discovering a dog in the house. In Islam, dogs keep angels away.

The sound of fireworks or tires popping can trigger alarm and jitters, as you expect a war to break out, particularly in civil-war torn or explosive Middle Eastern countries that remain constantly on the brink of a return to war/ invasion/ occupation at any moment.

Ignorance is not an option! Admitting that they don’t know something! An Arab person has appointed themselves as the Jack of all trades and a Mr. know it all! You’ll get unsolicited advice at every juncture of your life, from the 17 year-old to the more seasoned and qualified grandparent, so get used to it, fool!

Spinster-phobia: Getting to over 25 without being married! Cause from there on you’re over the hill and on the shelf, and make no mistake, past your peak for the marriage market. Don’t believe anybody who says otherwise.

Hasad-phobia! Envy, most marked in ‘friends’ evil eyes: Arabs live in constant dread of someone complimenting them without qualifying their flattery with the obligatory ‘mashallah’, ‘smallah’, or ‘yikhzil3ain’ (those warding-off evil, jealousy phrases that allow your compliment to be received)

Jin in the bathroom: Prepare thyself to enter the darkest, perhaps most dangerous room in the house: THE BATHROOM! Better bless yourself on your way in and on your way out, because every good Muslim knows that there are Jinn-a-plenty hiding behind the toilet.

Germs: Doctors may say germs are good for your immune system, but in the Arab world cleanliness is truly next to Godliness. So get out that Dettol and start scrubbing. Hypochondria, alongside ‘’Hygiene”- the brand sanitizer of choice - is rife!

Chickeny-smelling-chicken: You better bathe that chicken in a jacuzzi of lemon, vinegar, and tahini, or else you risk catching a whiff of zankha, the foul smell that remains on plates after exposed to eggs or chicken.

Arab phobias -- what makes these war-hardy Mideast folk cry for mama?!

Rare bloody steak! (Or, put another way, bloody hell for Muslims!) Blood - cooked or raw - ingested in the Islamic faith is considered ‘haram,’ not halal for eating. Black pudding or blood sausage are strictly off the menu!

Your hair veil or hijab falling off, or a stray hair escaping the bobby pinned head scarf. Bad hair days are avoided but a rebellious lock could bring on a panic attack faster than you can say Fire!

Walking somewhere instead of driving, even if it’s a hop, skip and a jump away! The very idea! The horror and indignity of it all! These Arab legs weren’t made for walking...

Saying NO! Thanks to the culture of people-pleasing, emotional blackmail and guilt-tripping! Being direct and realistic about your needs can be a risky business-- a ‘no’ can get misconstrued or just flatly ignored! Honesty destroys lives!

Scissors left in the open position-- these blades signify an open coffin, which in turn could mean an imminent death.

Dog-kept-inhouse-o-phobia. Nothing makes an Arab person go from being a cheerful guest to a frightened mess faster than discovering a dog in the house. In Islam, dogs keep angels away.

The sound of fireworks or tires popping can trigger alarm and jitters, as you expect a war to break out, particularly in civil-war torn or explosive Middle Eastern countries that remain constantly on the brink of a return to war/ invasion/ occupation at any moment.

Spinster-phobia: Getting to over 25 without being married! Cause from there on you’re over the hill and on the shelf, and make no mistake, past your peak for the marriage market. Don’t believe anybody who says otherwise.

Jin in the bathroom: Prepare thyself to enter the darkest, perhaps most dangerous room in the house: THE BATHROOM! Better bless yourself on your way in and on your way out, because every good Muslim knows that there are Jinn-a-plenty hiding behind the toilet.

Germs: Doctors may say germs are good for your immune system, but in the Arab world cleanliness is truly next to Godliness. So get out that Dettol and start scrubbing. Hypochondria, alongside ‘’Hygiene”- the brand sanitizer of choice - is rife!

Chickeny-smelling-chicken: You better bathe that chicken in a jacuzzi of lemon, vinegar, and tahini, or else you risk catching a whiff of zankha, the foul smell that remains on plates after exposed to eggs or chicken.

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