In case you’re wondering, no:
The Emoji Movie will leave you feeling more :( than :).
As far as I can tell, willingly taking children to see The Emoji Movie is a not-so-subtle hint that you hate them.
The film, directed by Tony Leondis and starring a bunch of actors who couldn’t save the movie if they tried (James Corden, T.J. Miller, Steven Wright, Patrick Stewart, Christina Aguilera, Maya Rudolph, and others), did well at the box office yesterday.
But how bad a movie is it? Apart from casting Sir Patrick Stewart as “Poop,” I mean.
Well, I’ll let Vox take it away. “It’s amazing that we can put a man on the moon but movies like this still somehow get made.”
Entertainment Weekly developed a full-blown existential crisis: “There is an awareness pulsing through this movie, as it pulses through our own lives, that so much of what once seemed like progress was the opposite of progress, that our dreams of a better tomorrow were always leading us to a miserable today.”
The New York Times said, “The movie’s ‘believe in yourself’ message is borne out, in a perverse way, by the very fact that it even exists. And yet the whole thing remains nakedly idiotic.”
Vulture said the movie “is one of the darkest, most dismaying films [they’d] ever seen, much less one ostensibly made for children.”
The Verge takes the cake, though: “This is a movie about how words aren’t cool, but you can still expect a girl to fall at your feet in response to mild wordplay. Please keep up. Or throw whatever device you’re reading this on into the ocean. Send me a postcard; tell me what it’s like to be free.”
