ALBAWABA - Lately, I have been considering my lifelong relationship with my inner critic. We have had quite some good times together. When I used to want to quit in difficult situations, it was always pushing me to keep going. My inner critic has also helped me stay clear of people who can hurt me.
But like with all relationships, drawing clear boundaries is important. This is exactly where things go wrong with our inner critic.
When the inner critic begins to overstep, it starts to turn motivation into debilitating perfectionism. It starts to speak with you in a negative and toxic manner that one single failure or mess-up turns into a relentless inner conversation about your worth and not being good enough.
We all struggle with our inner critic. The inner bully screams ugly things in our faces and traps us in a vicious cycle. It has so much power over us that most of us no longer know how to stop it. Some have even come to believe that their inner critic is their real inner voice, which leaves them running in an endless loop of self-judgment and fear.
The thing with inner critics is that they feed on fear. The fear of failing or the fear of not being good enough and never belonging.
So how do we break up with this inner critic?
Psychologist, Rick Hanson, says that we all have two sides within us, one is the inner critic and the other is the inner nurturer. While the inner critic is there to help and guide us, too much of it can leave us feeling demotivated, drained, and frozen in fear. That is why Rick highlights the need to reframe our relationship with our inner critic, take away its power, and form a stronger bond with our inner nurturer.
Breakups are no piece of cake, especially if it happens after many years of being together. However, breaking up with your inner critic and reframing your relationship with it is integral to your well-being.
Here are some ways that can help you better manage this difficult breakup:
- Build awareness
One of the most important parts is becoming aware that you have an inner critic. Many of us have lived with our inner critics for so long that it has become a part of who we are. Therefore, recognizing when your inner critic starts speaking can help you put some distance.
Journaling or speaking to someone can also help you rationalize with your inner critic and understand where these thoughts and beliefs are coming from.
- Understand that you need to move on
Sometimes recognizing that certain relationships no longer serve us can be daunting. However, seeing that something no longer serves us is an important step toward moving on.
Once you are aware that your inner critic is there, you need to evaluate your relationship with it so that you can see how much harm it is doing.
- Give yourself time
Everything needs time, especially when it comes to moving on from a part of yourself that has been around for years. Understanding and accepting that things will not be suddenly okay is crucial to moving on in a healthy way.
Try to focus your energy on activities that are calming and you are good at. One idea can be practicing meditation, which is something that is judgment-free and allows you to just go with the flow.
Healing takes time so give yourself the time and energy you need to slowly take away the power of your inner critic.
- Build up your inner nurturer
Sometimes your inner critic can save you from threats and keep you going, that is why you should not completely silence it. Instead, focus on nurturing the good side of it while also drawing boundaries with the toxic side.
Give attention to your inner nurturer that speaks with you kindly, motivates you, and does not drown you in feelings of fear, guilt, and failure. Try to focus your energy on that side of yourself and you will see yourself starting to build healthier relationships with your inner voice.
Your inner critic is an abuser that will bleed you dry if you do not learn how to put real and clear boundaries.
