ALBAWABA - I never believed that we can ever truly know ourselves. I always thought that there are parts of us that we are yet to meet. Parts that we will only get to know as we dig deeper into who we are and understand the darkness and light within each one of us.
Because if you really think about it, acknowledging the good in ourselves can be so much easier than seeing the darker sides of ourselves. It might be because of how much darkness is frowned upon or that we rarely ever speak about it. After all, many of us have grown to believe that any kind of darkness is evil, oblivious to the fact that we all have a dark side, and learning about it helps us lead healthier and more balanced lives.
However, even though many of us would rather ignore this dark and frightening side of ourselves, psychologists have worked on understanding and shedding light on it. In fact, it was a 20th-century Swiss psychologist that coined the term “shadow self” which refers to the hidden and darker aspects of who we are.
What is the shadow self?
First introduced by psychologist Carl Jung, the shadow self is the part of ourselves that we see as unacceptable. The shadow self is often the part of ourselves that we try to hide and suppress because we do not know how to accept it or live with it. Whether it is anger, shame, envy or cruelty, the shadow self is the part of us that we tend to avoid and shun.
Do we all have a shadow self?
It is also important to highlight that the shadow self looks different from one person to another. For some people, this might look like being lazy, negative, angry or cruel, for others, it might look like jealousy, apathy, and hurting others.
“Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. If an inferiority is conscious, one always has a chance to correct it.” - Psychology and Religion by Carl Jung
How to accept our shadow self and live with it
Many of us perceive the shadow self as a negative and dark side of us that we struggle to accept. However, in these incidents, it all goes back to your perception of what is bad and negative and your level of self-esteem. What for you might seem a shameful side might be an acceptable thing to others, and vice versa.
The idea of rejecting a part of who we are comes from the belief that cultural and social norms are embedded in us about what is acceptable and what is not. But what so many fail to see is that ignoring something and trying to bury it will only make it stronger. And to really live authentically and unleash your full potential, it is important that you learn to accept all parts of yourself and embrace them.
Here are some ways that can help you accept and embrace your shadow self:
- Be curious
Being curious about who you are and the different aspects of yourself is an integral part in knowing how to embrace your shadow self. It is imperative that you become aware and start noticing different patterns and triggers that can signal what your shadow self looks like.
This way you are coming closer to meeting your shadow self and learning about what it really wants.
- Practice non-judgment
Perhaps one of the most important characteristics of a shadow self is the shame and guilt that comes with it. For some reason, we tie so much shame to showing an “unacceptable” part of ourselves to the world. That is why it is important that you start practicing non-judgment with yourself and with others.
Every time you catch yourself judging others or yourself, try to hold yourself accountable. With time, you will start to notice your patterns and work towards changing them.
- Meditate
Meditation is a great way to help you start observing your mind. When you become aware of your thoughts, patterns, and judgments you are practicing self-acceptance.
- Ask for help
When it comes to accepting different parts of who we are we might need the help and support of others. Whether it is a professional or friends and family, ask for help whenever you feel like it. Sometimes listening to the perspective and thoughts of someone else can help us become kinder to ourselves and look at things differently.
Ultimately, we are the only ones living within our own bodies and selves, and accepting the good and bad in us is an essential part of thriving. It is pivotal to remember that our shadow self is not ugly and bad. Instead, it just signals the parts of us that we need to work on, become conscious about, and learn how to use them to thrive.
