I grew up hearing that 20s and 30s are meant to be the best time of our lives. Afterall, these were the years we get to fully experience life, learn more about ourselves and grow into who we really are. But if that is so then why are so many of us left feeling lost, trapped, and uninspired? And most importantly why is no one talking about this quarter-life crisis many seem to be facing?
I remember when I first entered my twenties and was close to graduation, I began feeling an overwhelming sense of pressure that I should have had my life figured out already. The older I grew and looked around the more I thought I was missing out on the “best years” everyone told me I should be living.
Cultures and societies all seem to romanticize the idea that you should be living your best life between your mid twenties and early thirties, and with that comes a significant amount of pressure to brush whatever you are feeling under the carpet and fit what society tells you you should be living and feeling. Therefore, it does not come as a surprise to find out that there are many who have no idea what a quarter-life crisis is and if they experienced it or not.
Clinical psychologist Alex Fowke defines quarter-life crisis as “a period of insecurity, doubt and disappointment surrounding your career, relationships and financial situation” in your 20s.
Just like the more popular midlife crisis, quarter-life crisis comes when people in their mid 20s and early 30s live in a period of uncertainty, questioning, complete chaos and brain fog. But the difference between the two is how people perceive each of them. While a midlife crisis is more known and accepted, the quarter-life crisis is usually belittled as people opt to consider the struggles of young adults as trivial compared to what older generations went through.
However, this contradicts what some studies suggest. In fact, it is reported that millennials have faced more stress than older generations during the pandemic due to the increased rates of unemployment. Unemployment, relationships, career plans, and finding your purpose can all be too much for some people to handle while pretending to have their life together. Whether it is because of how hard life is becoming for young adults or how much pressure the “work hard” culture seems to put on everyone, many young adults seem to feel like they are stuck in a loop with no near exist.
“The quarter-life crisis, or my experience of it, manifests itself in me wanting to run away; to start again; or bury myself in anything that will distract me from my own reality. Very often 20-somethings I see around me are beautiful, talented and have the world on a plate, but they don’t like themselves and that’s got to be about society making them feel as if they have to keep up with these unrelenting standards. It strikes me that we are living in a time of extreme contradiction – young people are told they have a kaleidoscope of opportunity, but are fettered by a complete lack of stability.” - Ghalia Saudi
The first time I’ve ever heard about the quarter-life crisis was from Ghalia Saudi’s Instagram story, in which she asked people to share their thoughts about it. The responses were astonishingly similar to one another, however, the only thing missing was for everyone to see that they were not alone. And that is exactly what Ghalia’s story did; it made people realize that we are all in this together.
So what should you do if you are having a quarter-life crisis? You face it head on, and here are some ways to do so!
- Remember that it is normal
Remembering that you are not alone in this and that it is completely normal will help you be a little kinder to yourself. This is a necessary transient stage and you will grow through it.
- Discomfort is not your enemy
The overwhelming sense of having to choose how you want your life to look like is anything but easy. Let alone when you are facing an identity-crisis and you are no longer sure of who you are or what you want. However, this discomfort is an integral part in knowing if what you are doing right now feels right or not. Let this discomfort be your compass.
- Do not let anything define you
Whether it is your degree, society’s expectations or even your own, do not let anything define who you are or what you want to do. This is your life, your identity and you have the right to live it in the best way you see fit.
- Put things into perspective
Being realistic about where you are right now and where you want to be in the coming years can help you significantly set a long term plan and pursue it. Sometimes a huge part of feeling lost comes from our inability to know what the future holds for us. Therefore, it can be beneficial for you to spend some time with yourself and put things into perspective.
- Seek support
The thing with any crisis is that they can be better managed when we ask for help, and the same applies to quarter-life crisis. Seek solidarity and talk to people about it. Sometimes just talking about something makes it easier to carry and navigate. In addition, sometimes talking to older, more experienced people who are content with where their life is at can help you learn how to navigate these troubling times.
Questioning your purpose, who you are, and what you are doing here are all normal parts of growing up and accommodating adulthood. It is imperative that you know you are not alone, and that it is okay to speak about it and look for support. Channeling this crisis will help you get the clarity you need to push through. Most importantly, it is crucial for people to know that there is no one shoe fits all.
We are all different in our own ways and what works for one does not have to work for another. Therefore, finding what works for you is key to knowing how to thrive from this crisis as the champion you are!
